Tag Archives: Wife

Now This Is Funny馃ぃ

Study the picture first and then read the story.

This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk. The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and quite a few glasses of single malt thereafter.

Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he is going to be arrested.

The Englishman answers with humor. No sir, I do not! But while we’re asking questions, do you know that this is a British car and my wife is driving … On the other side.

馃ぃ馃槀馃ぃ

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Urgent Prayer For Our President

Look, love him or hate him you have to admit that the assaults on 聽President Trump are mean and vicious. I believe the American people to be better than this. This viciousness is separating families, our ability to be reasonable and to recognize success and how this great country of USA has benefited from many changes that have been made. More Jobs, less tax for most and more money in the pockets of many Americans. This whole vindictiveness is ridiculous. I does not matter wether you are left or right and I am sure there will be many of you that will scorn what I have to say. I don’t care. I hate this mean spiritness of the people, not considering how destructive it is on the Presidents young son and his wife and the rest of his family. It is sick. If you let this hatred continue everyone will suffer in the end.

It needs to stop.

Prayers for the President and the USA is needed. I believe this man has got it right.

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Something to make you Smile on a Friday

Tennessee Striptease

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob 鈥榮 hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, 鈥淲hat the world are ya doing, Billy Bob ?鈥

鈥淕ood grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me,鈥 says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob, 鈥淏ut me 鈥榥 the wife been havin鈥 trouble lately in the bedroom d鈥檖artment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.鈥

Don鈥檛 make me come splain this to you! Read the last line again, slowly.

馃ぃ馃ぃ

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Something to Make You Smile On A Monday

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn鈥檛 hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

鈥淗ere鈥檚 what you do,鈥 said the doctor, 鈥渟tand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.鈥

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 鈥淚鈥檓 about 40 feet away, let鈥檚 see what happens.鈥 Then in a normal tone he asks, 鈥淗oney, what鈥檚 for dinner?鈥

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 鈥淧eg, what鈥檚 for dinner?鈥

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 鈥淗oney, what鈥檚 for dinner?鈥

Again, he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 鈥淗oney, what鈥檚 for dinner?鈥

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 鈥淧eg, what鈥檚 for dinner?鈥

(I just love this!)

鈥淒ammit, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!鈥

 

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LOL for Today

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Ron Chester, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 am
and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on
the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”

The officer asked, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?”

Ron replied, “That would be my wife.鈥

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Sarcasm At Its Best – Letter To A Budget Airline in Australia

I thought this was priceless

 

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Budget airlines seem to have a knack for copping flack from their passengers 鈥 but you鈥檝e never seen a complaint quite like this before.

Passenger, Jay Mancuso from South Australia, flew low-cost carrier, Jetstar, back to Australia from Bali recently and contacted the airline with a rather unusual gripe. Here鈥檚 his聽hilarious letter to Jetstar on Facebook聽and their just as witty response.

Dear Mr & Mrs Jetstar.

Hello, my name is Jay, and you guys gave me and my beautiful new wife a lift to Bali the other week to get married. Twas a lovely occasion and I believe you also gave about 60ish of our guests a lift also. Apart from the cramped seats, all went very well.

Now, I have read with interest several attacks on budget airlines, such as yourself, in recent years. Today I鈥檇 like to become one of these people (insert eye roll here).

On Friday evening at Denpasar international airport, my wife (still getting used to that) and I checked in at your Jetstar desk. Tired and grumpy (no one likes leaving holidays) we walked through the immigration stuff and wasn鈥檛 till we were 鈥渙n the other side鈥 we noticed that we were incorrectly allocated our seats. Prior to travel, I booked and paid for extra legroom, being a big fella, in seats 1a and 1b. Alas, we were allocated 15c and 15b. What?! That鈥檚 outrageous, I thought. I continued to the gate and talked to a lovely lady there who said the seats were double booked. But they changed our seats to 2a & 2b. Oh well, not much I can do from here.

Disgruntled as we were, we walked onto the plane and a wonderful lady, Abbey, flight manager, asked us why we had our tickets changed. I explained. Abbey then moved us to front row opposite and apologised profusely.

BUT! It didn鈥檛 stop there. Abbey had the nerve to tell us that she was incredibly embarrassed about our mix up, gave us both a Jetstar comfort pack (love the toothbrush) and a warm little blanket for the journey. Wow, of all the insolence. Then, THEN just after take off, would you believe she continued her torrent of niceness, and told us to select a beverage and some food FREE of charge!!!!!

Landing in Adelaide at 6:00am she then still gave us a huge friendly smile and apologised once again.

This is not the behaviour one expects when travelling with a low cost carrier and it must stop! I expect far less of your staff and I think Abbey needs a good talking to.

So, in finishing. To dear Abbey, flight manager on board flight JQ128 ex DPS -ADL on Friday night the 25th November 2016, I salute you. Your customer service and attention to detail was exemplary. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts, you turned our frowns upside down. Jetstar, give this girl a sticker of excellence. It鈥檚 conduct like this that ensure we will be flying Jetstar again. (But can we please have a Dreamliner plane for the Adelaide to DPS run?)

Yours in good fun.

Jay Mancuso

 

Jetstar penned this reply:

Hi Jay,

Thank you for your post and congratulations to you and your new Mrs!

I鈥檓 sorry to hear of the issues with your seating, but so glad Abbey could turn it around for you and make sure you had an awesome flight. We go to great lengths to try and provide passengers with excellent customer service so it鈥檚 always helpful when a customer takes the time to tell us exactly what we鈥檙e getting right.

It鈥檚 also really rewarding for our team to have their work recognised in such a thoughtful way. I鈥檝e passed your comments on to Abbey and her managers and I know they鈥檒l really appreciate your thanks.

I鈥檓 sorry if I鈥檓 just pushing it too far, but I鈥檝e also requested for a refund to be processed back to your credit card for the cost of the extra leg room seating, just as a further gesture of goodwill (how annoying can we be?). We鈥檒l process this within 15 business days.

Thanks again for your great post and all the best to you and your new wife. We hope to see you both on board again soon :)

Cheers 鈥 Mrs Jetstar (Emma)

 

Source: Escape.com.au

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Poem Friday – 05/26/2016 – ‘If You Don’t Do Different Nothing Will Change’

starting_line

If you don’t do different nothing will change
Author – Lesley Voth

I tell myself and my readers most every day
Do something different in some small way

If you want to lose weight change something little, what you eat
Putting on those few pounds you could beat

Clean up your room you might be amazed what you find
The trinket that you have looked for so long, the bed it fell behind

You so want to play the guitar or the piano or something like that
If you don’t do different then your wants will be idle chat

Go down a different road that you have always wondered about
It may change your life, that perfect house an absolute knockout

You want to fulfill a life time ambition
I bet you just need to get off your arse by your own admission

It just a little thing that could change your life
Just go for a walk you may bump into your future husband or wife

I wrote a book of Poems that I am about to introduce
Something I had never done before, some thought me a goose

Look it may feel odd, not in your comfort zone and strange
But if you don鈥檛 do different nothing will change

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